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Thing is… I am not sorry I posted that Dee, I am sorry that you feel I reject you and questioned your sincerity, and I am sorry you feel I think you’re shite. That’s why I tried to explain, but I am not sorry I posted what I did.





That’s what I am thinking.

you know Tonia, the funny thing about your comment on my diary .......I was focusing on something related to Rebecca and Asanda about honesty and not really Theresa and Dee and yet it was the latter two that responded. It was something subtle I was exploring and I let myself get hijacked about something else related to oneness.....




It is a ying and yang thing.....

in a few days we will all be talking about oneness with no mention about honesty unaware that we will all have gone around the same block.

the way I see it......in one area of the mind.....I am responsible for everything that everyone says and I am only fooling myself if I think otherwise..... in that area of the mind oneness is important.

In another area I am responsible for my expression only....from a place where we are unique...and yet connected.....where no one in particular has all the truths....in that area of the mind honesty is important.

Is one place better than the other?....no.....just different..different ways of experiencing....

honesty means something in one room and something very different in another.

Oneness means something in one room and something very different in another.

this clinging to one area of the mind over the other is what I see as the main reason we as physical beings keep going around the physical mind with no way out.

We have to see the whole cycle....to prove our worthiness and determination to be whole ....and then we will see a real way forward....

until then it is around the cycle we go.

to me, the 'oneness' thing is something that can't be understood beyond intellectual concept or experienced beyond emotional reverie while we are here in the physical plane. so i never talk about it, we are all one and all that. the bit about being responsible for everything everyone else says because i am you and you are me.....well if thats true then i will experience that in another plane of existence i suppose, but in this one, this physical one, i don't see how that 'truth' can be all that pragmatic or practical. in this physical plane, we are seperate, and we are here to experience that...maybe so we can return to the plane where we are all one. ? i dunno and i don't find it useful to speculate on, not when i've got physical living to do while i'm here.

the way i see it, the mind isn't a 'place' or part of me that is a source of truth at all at all, so personally, i don't find honesty or oneness or any of that stuff there either. to me, the mind is a place of distortion. a place where ego, both subtle and gross, is king of the monkeys, lol. 'monkeys' being...vanity, lust, anger, greed and attachment. so when we think we are the mind, the mind with all it's distorted viewpoints is what is running the show, and sending out all it's monkeys do do it's bidding. and that's why we clash with each other and cycle over and over and round and round again and again.


i don't relate to your imagery, which is why i find the stuff you say difficult to understand. it's like you start to draw a picture but it's far too abstract for me, and requires my mind to decipher it, which only distorts things more. give me some cartoon characters and maybe i'll get it, lol.

but that's just me. i know what you say makes perfect sense for you, it's just that my consciousness is red and your's is blue.

dee, don't leave here because of what i said, please. i hope what i said doesn't change what we have shared together.

this has been hugely illuminating for me, too. in that i need to be careful about the causes i put out there. the effects of which are sometimes glaringly obvious in grotesqueness.

this isn't all about you, you know. what happened here, i mean. i played a part in it as well, and there are others who played their parts from the sidelines or from act one in the days and weeks gone by. i'm pretty sure there are more than just the two of us feeling a bit raw and ragged from this experience, it's just that we two were front and center when it all happened, that's all.


i don't think the 800 pound gorilla in the room is a human anybody in a gorilla suit. more like an 800 pound gorilla....vibration.

you wanna know something funny, dee?

right before the mistaken identity thing came to light only i didn't know it yet because i was in the middle of writing the post, i was about to type in the code you need to put in when you post as guest and do you know what the code was, i kid you not, it was:

CSUX1



now i don't usually 'fall' for these things, seeing the same set of numbers over and over, seeing god speak to me in a license plate or street sign or advertisement on the side of the bus. i think it's just mind trying to spiritualize itself when it recognizes stuff like that as messages from god etc, but in this instance i couldn't help but do a double take. i don't quite remember my post but i deleted it, and then i read your post where you thought i was k and thought....oh my god thank god i didn't post that one, lol. it was nothing all that interesting really, just the point was moot given the realization that you thought i was k, is all.

ok i don't put too much weight on that, i just thought it made for better kaffeeklatch talk than this other stuff we're on about at the moment. just a breather, is all.

and what I say is me and what you say is you

Guest, I like your you & me song....



There is a game....it is called Physical.....very strange game.....limitation is the rule of the game.

You and I are in the game as characters ...

We are not the characters....but we play as the characters.

we call the characters guest and kristian

everything we do inside the game points back to how we are playing the game....

If i pull the joystick left...my character goes left

If you pull the joystick right...your character goes right.

We are not the characters...the characters merely represent us inside the game...

We find it all so very funny...these characters.... we are not these character but we play as these characters.

we call each other names...we cry, and laugh and we try to kill each other before we have a pint of guineass.



Now..... I decide to stop playing the game...my whole physical game shuts down.

it all turns off...the whole physical ends....I am no longer in it.

but the game still goes on .... my character is still in your game and the game goes on....

the whole game is on and the characters are still in it......but I am no longer playing the game

immediately it tells you that your game involves the whole physical reality and not just the character..... you are not the charachter nor are you the game I am not the character nor am I the game....we were merely playing the characters and the game.

This is you/us all-owing the game......

now what is so fun about this game is that it appears we are "doing" something....

we never do anything...we merely are who we are......but in the game we seem to do things.

what we are doing....relates directly to what we are being......the doing just happens as a result of what we are being....

our being is a song..... the song we play arises out of focus

we are aspects of being focusing on who we are in our song ....while allowing ourselves to participate within a game in order to expereince that.

As characters in the game we have physical experiences......fear limitation, guilt, death when we forget we not just the character...

as aspects of beingness playing the characters (being nothing, nobody in particular).... we experience who we are inside the game.

As characters.....we experience physical

As the game.....we experience mind

As beings inside the game....we experience soul....


As just a character we are lost in the physical....

As just the game and the character...we are still lost but we play the game better.

As mostly soul.....we are never really paying attention to the game

when we are all three (or none of the three whetherever your perspective).....we are realised as being Self playing within the game

the only difference between being lost in the game and being self in the game....is the absense of fear.

who we choose to be is our joy...stick.

Hey Dee, I didn't mean to imply that it was you specifically, though you are a part of it, obviously. Shakes is right, it's more like a very heavy lingering energy, to me. And I will butt out of it now.

oh hey, well done supermario!



now *that* is imagery i can visualize effortlessly, and your concept of 'rooms in the mind' is much clearer to me now too.

thanks, you kristian you!

(i can never get out of that room where you have to run and time your bounce right at the end of that drop off, in between those sharp things that come flying out of nowhere and kill you dead, and i always forget to pick up that extra life in the room i was in before that one.....)

Shakes I'm not leaving here because of you, I was excusing myself from this thread so you can get back on track.

And Cduzntsux1 but that was cute, made me giggle

I have no desire to continue talking about the why of my over-reaction. So begging pardon from this thread feels like what I needed to do, as I am feeling kinda raw, and emotional, and somewhat C4-ish.

No misconceptions - just pacifying the 800 pound gorilla with a few bananas.

yeah, well i'm never on track so no biggie, i don't write here unless i'm inspired to do an excavation of some kind, it's not like this is a regular gig for me or anything. this is the most i've written here in...uh.......like 3 years or something.

ok, don't let that gorilla anywhere near your laundry or your fridge....they eat all your pudding pops and shed like crazy, do you have any idea how many of those sticky roller thingies you'll end up going thru, lol

Thanks

I am glad all this happened, that hasn't changed. I'm still finding ingredients to put into the stew, it's amazing just how many carrots and celery stalks have unearthed today.

I see my expectations, how they've constricted the energy here. I see how my view of T and K are merely my own. Doesn't change the view to be honest, but I can own it as my own, borne of my own experience and understanding. I've gained a lot of valuable grocery items, and the stewing pot just gets fuller, more to chew on when it's reached full flavor.

The gorilla feels more like a chimp right now, it didn't go for pudding pops, but instead freezie pops, and I see another one in it's future. Icey goodness to sooth the savage beast.

I am a lot of things. And I guess I can really fully comprehend your intention behind this thread SW, and now I can accept your self "deprication" because I am sitting in a similar place, looking at said chimp with a light smile on my face, but an internal desire to see the chimp devolve further to state of something furry and pleasant which can be satisfied with playing with a squeak toy instead of turning rabbid at the first sign of pain.

I am aware that I can probably delude myself into thinking a lot of things, but I know this: I can own my behavior, words, and actions. I am not in denial about who I present myself as. And I can say I'm sorry when I've caused a rift or ripple which led to bad/hurt feelings. Even if the ultimate flow of it was for the "good", it is not in my nature to write it off to ultimate benefit. Because I don't believe we are all one, while we're perceiving ourselves as individuals in bodies. And I am capable of causing pain. And I don't like to do that.

smiling......


just don't forget to laff once in a while. and dunk crusty rolls in your stew. oh...and slurp spagetti. right, and a burp now and again doesn't hurt either.




and know you are *loved*.....beyond measure.

Don't encourage the burping, my husband wouldn't be happy with you

I laugh a lot. Mostly inappropriately I'm sure

Thanks to C and K and T.

Today fresh eyes see this in a different way. I am grateful. Laughing at the monkey I am.

Gonna eat another freezie

Dee,

I have made a breakthrough also this morning.....

it sank deeper inside that people are not what they do....

I can't see the beingness of a person from what they do... (at least immediately)

my identifying with the doingness (or not doingness) feeds separation.....(and something worse...proscrastination..... )

this is probably why i find it hard in groups....i can't do the "right" thing for everyone at once.
and I am not suppose to....

I have been angry at what people have done in my life.....but forgot to look at who they are....